Wednesday, April 9, 2008

What emotion is this?

Sometimes it’s hard to determine what the emotion tied to a relationship is. Do you honestly love or enjoy someone? Are you just lonely? Are you attracted to the drama or whatever outside "blah" the relationship brings with it? I’ve been trying to figure this out in a number of my relationships lately. Sometimes it’s an easy choice, but other times it’s as if they all blur together. It’s been said that relationships aren’t supposed to be hard, but I can’t seem to find an easy one.
This all started the other day when I analyzed the first of many relationships I’d be working on. I called a good friend of mine to discuss some man problems, and we discussed these questions. With the lack of quality men in the area, or the lack of quality men I’m finding, it’s valid. Do I really care for this man, outside of our friendship, or am I competing for his affection? What exactly am I doing in this "relationship?" My feelings are genuine, I’m certain, I think, but that’s sometimes irrelevant or just not enough.
The heart of this is because I no longer date for sport, is this a relationship that I can really see going the ultimate distance? I must figure it out soon, because I have exceeded the indecisive playing age!

Monday, April 7, 2008

What would you prefer more time or more money???

Of course everyone reading this said more time! Of course! I mean with more money can you buy more time, nope! With more time you can certainly make more money though!
Outside of the interesting way the two things play off each other more time is still the obvious choice. I think about the preciousness of life, and how quickly it can all be over. I think about how many things are left unsaid or undone when people pass away. I wish that on my final day it could work like a movie. I need to "Meet Joe Black," in a way. Hopefully everyone has seen that movie, otherwise that meant absolutely nothing! I want to be told this is your final year, month, week, day. I want to be able to purchase more time. I want to do everything I put off, and say everything I’ve needed to say. I want to live my will and hand deliver the right things to the right person. Ridiculous I know, but only in a way. Part of me feels silly saying all of that, but the other part of me is hoping the world is full of my Amen section, lol. It’s just that I realize this is not a dress rehearsal, and I want to keep my ducks in a row, my t’s crossed, and my i’s dotted. Is that even possible? Are my dreams exceeding my reality?