Monday, February 23, 2009

I appreciate this body

I was watching Oprah discuss her weight on a past show. She kept saying how much she appreciated her body. I was shocked. I was looking at her appreciate her body with it's new 40 pounds, thyroid issues, and post menopause like, what the hell? It took me so long to understand, even after she began explaining. I had to sit with her revelation for weeks. Now, I appreciate my body. It has taken such a licking to keep on ticking. I am a struggling smoker. I have given birth. I have punished my body for no reason, with diet, with intercourse, with activity. I have treated this temple like a cardboard box, but everyday it works so hard for me. It goes right when I want and left when I want. It gets me up and down. It guarantees my breath, my heart rate, my blood flow, and everything else without a reminder or coaxing. It makes everything possible for me, and never complains. So as a gift back to this body, I'm gonna try harder to kick smoking, workout harder, eat better, and cloth it in garments appropriate for how I feel about it. Because I appreciate this body.

So, instead of just looking at religion to appreciate my temple, I stepped back to see why. This body is dependable and consistent. It gives me clear signs of problems. It works harder for me than I could ever work for it. I love this body, even with its extra weight and imperfections. I love this body.

Ode to the blog, for taking me as I am

I've been thinking blogging was made for people like me. I have so much to say, but not the best grammar.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Oh no!

What if I end up a bitter old woman?! I don't take much from the boys these days. I think I may even be waiting for the boys to screw up enough for me to point it out. So am I turning into a real life bitch. Have I been driven to this point, or am I hiding behind the potential of being driven to this point. Huh? Maybe so. I'm tired of the shenanigans! I just want to find the handsome, successful, kind, trustworthy, stable, and genuine artsy man of my dreams. Is this too much to ask? I mean I'm a cute girl, no a beautiful woman. I have a great head balanced on these shoulders. I'm innovative, honest, an A + dreamer, clocked in mother, consistent to a fault, and ridiculously loyal. I'm establishing my own business. I'm managing my life. I need an amazing man who can get right, because I'm tired of meeting the losers that get left.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Mom to my son

Being a mom is exciting and fulfilling, and being a mom is exhausting and thankless. It's my greatest accomplishment. It's my biggest stress. It's what keeps me going when all of my energies are depleted. I love my responsibilities to my son. I made this choice. I consciously made and carried him. I sat through my 12 hours of labor, after 36 weeks and 2 days. I pushed him out myself, just after the epidural wore off. I did all of that. I got stitched up, wore hospital panties with ice packs in them, and battled hemorrhoids. I earned my title as mother. I would fight to the death for my son. I would walk through fire on glass and push a mountain out of his way with my bare hands. I am committed to the decision I made to have him. I love him.

My son is the biggest manipulator, con man, and charmer the world has ever seen. It's dangerous how he convinces us all to do things with such grace and ease. We are like mindless zombies marching to the beat he allows us. It's amazing. The dimples, the eyes with the long lashes, the pearly white smile, and his adorable one liners are enough to have you writing him checks for your life savings. He's smart. He's so incredibly smart, in more than just a con artist way. At 3 years old he's reading short stores, knows more than 50 words by sight, and can work all the electronics in this house, including my Blackberry. He's a great little decision maker, always goes with his first mind. He's also empathic, and at the end of the day he just wants to make sure that I'm happy.

I love being a mom. I love my son. I love our roles, and yes, I am exhausted, sleep deprived, and guzzling coffee!

Monday, February 9, 2009


I own a business. I'm the stressed out, proud, owner of a Internet based jewelry company. I am the blood, sweat, and tears behind, in front, beside, on top of, and underneath blaisedENVY. My talent is located at or Who would have ever thought it would be this difficult and time consuming? I have committed to this business though. This is me shaping my destiny, taking control of my life, and doing what makes me truly happy. I love fashion, I love stepping out and staying in, I love the female form, I love knowing what's right for any body type, and I love using my body as a canvas for expression everyday. You can tell my mood by my outfit, my hair style, and my accessories. They speak for me just as well as the expression on my face.

And, I love business. I love marketing. I love the production and planning. I love strategizing. I love everything about it. I think I found my calling. I just want to make sure that I do what it takes to have this stressed out bliss everyday of my life. God help me!!!

I like boys, today at least, and I have a boyfriend

Wow, at some point in the last few days I acquired a boyfriend. Yes, a boyfriend. This post following my last probably would have mouths and eyes wide open. Completely shocked.

I've been playing text message and phone dating with a dear sweet boy from my past. We were never single at the same time. We were never interested, available, willing, or excited at the same time. Then he popped up out of no where just as I was dusting myself off from my last debacle. No worries, I'd had just enough time to not be angry or the bitter black woman. He's talkative, attractive, sincere, and slightly, really, jealous...all the things I like in boys. I fit in him, and vice versa, when we hug. I feel safe and comfortable with him. I think he may be a great passage in my life, however can't count on him being a landing strip this early in the game.

Now with all this good there is some bad. He's terrific, yes, but we have our issues! He's not the greatest communicator. We're at least 175 miles apart. He's super face to face, but for him way more than me, texting and calling get to be a little much. He will always respond, but can take 24-48 hours to initiate if I do not. I'm a call every 15 minutes type, tell you everything type, and just hold the phone type. He says I need another girl-friend, lol. He says he's just not that guy. Is that okay? Could I hold this against him? And, he's a tadbit selffish, in the me do with him in mind, and he do with him in mind kind of way. What about me? Don't know if this is temporary until he gets back into the girlfriend/boyfriend swing of things or if it is what it is.

I like this man. I like this man a whole lot. I want to believe this man could maybe, possibly, be the man, at least for the next while, or so. Because I do like this man. He could certainly be the perfect man for me, if he's the perfect man for me. Either way, I'm gonna ride this wave into shore...hopefully it's an exciting, yet smooth, and incredibly long ride.